sometimes my hands and feet get really hot

01May09

sometimes my right shoulder hurts really bad

sometimes i wake up at 11am and don’t eat until 2pm

sometimes i wake up at 11am and don’t get out of bed until 2pm

sometimes i think about how life would be better if i had a sister

sometimes i think about how life would be better if i didn’t grow up in a big city

sometimes i think i probably would get married if someone i loved actually asked me, even though nothing in me ever wants to get married, and the likelihood of me ever falling in love is so small love isn’t anything i even think about realistically

sometimes i take hour long showers, mostly standing still with my head down and eyes closed with the water hitting my back

sometimes i sit in complete darkness while listening to loud music or talking to myself or both

sometimes i really miss somebody even though i’ve never had a real, comfortable, fluid, friendly conversation with this person, just an odd, sloppy, awkward, unforgiving, peculiar interaction that i initiated because i didn’t know any better

sometimes i feel physically ill because i know my quality of life has been significantly lowered because of men’s sexism and misogyny, it would be really lovely to walk down the street and not hear ‘hey sexy’, ‘i want you’, damn, you’re fine’ and all the pathetic lines these piece of shit losers come up with.

and sometimes i think how if all the men in the world disappeared tomorrow women would easily adapt and set a path towards a very harmonious existence.  if all the women disappeared from the planet tomorrow men would beat, rape, murder, and eat each other until they were all gone.

and sometimes i think that everything innately female is necessary for human survival while everything innately male is just extra, surplus, a bonus, but not necessary.

and sometimes i wish i knew at least one man who i believed was good and decent and kind and respectful and loving, then i would know there were others and i wouldn’t constantly feel the weight of a male dominated world shitting on the feminine perspective.

and sometimes i get really angry about all this and sometimes i cry about it too.

and sometimes i think the stress of it is taking years off my life.

sometimes i want to live in the middle of the woods

sometimes i think smokers are the most inconsiderate people on earth, actually i think this at all times because it’s true

sometimes i think i’ll be very rich and at other times i convince myself i’ll never make a single cent

sometimes i wonder why my relationship with the night time is so uncomfortable

sometimes i feel incredibly eccentric

sometimes i think about how much i regret going to college, doing the things i did, saying the things i said, studying the things i studied, getting the school loan debt i got

sometimes i want nothing more than admiration and adoration and a community of loyal followers

sometimes i want a very primitive and wild utopia where the weather is always 85 degrees and no one understands the concept of clothing

sometimes i want everyone to forget i exist

sometimes i want to erase my memory, my identity, and my ego

sometimes i feel i’ve given too much of my time to people who have judged me

sometimes i’m uncomfortably aware of the limitations of reality

sometimes i don’t understand how my loveliness goes unnoticed everyday

sometimes i think i’m having more interesting dreams than everyone else

sometimes i don’t understand why i’m not being actively loved by an admirer

sometimes i think there is danger all around me and it’s just a matter of time before it catches up to me and harms me beyond repair

sometimes i scream

sometimes i eat a really good mango

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